


What Have I Done?

by BlazeTheDemidragon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dreambubbles, Flashbacks, Gen, OC dancestors, OC's - Freeform, Precedian Beforus trolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 23:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10954740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazeTheDemidragon/pseuds/BlazeTheDemidragon
Summary: When Ferhal Sckolr first awakes in a sunlit feild, she has no idea what has happened or where she is. But Zanaro Hexxus is ready to take a walk with her and make her regret; for the first time in her life, the kind of choices she's made.





	What Have I Done?

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda got bored, and also interested in exploring Ferhal and how everyone died in the Precedian Beforus game session since my moirail and I have gone over some of it in less detail. So this was a bit of a flashback that might be available when I start Game On. It's just a simple little one chapter thing that won't be expanded on further. Hope you all enjoy!

You feel like you’re holding your breath, before you catch it again, gasping for a mere second before you regain control again. You awake in a field full of golden grass, and bright, blinding sunshine. That was the part that confused you. The last you could remember, Mentor had been telling you in her nervous, twitchy way, that everyone had decided to completely reset, and initiate a Scratch. After all, the entire game file was “corrupt”, as she put it. There was nothing else anyone could do.

You continued to look around. The warm feeling on your skin felt odd. You’d been out during the day, usually to hunt down people and study zombies better, but you’d never been out for such an extensive period.

A familiar figure strode towards you. He was tall, infatuatedly taller than you, wearing the same irritating smirk as always. His fangs weren’t retracted, and you were tempted to bite him, just to see how he’d react.

Well...you knew how he’d react. He always gave his own reply. And you could never summon up enough anger to be truly pissed off enough as to what always followed.

Even as he got closer though, you couldn’t help but feel as if something was a little...off. Something wasn’t right here, and you wanted to find out what it was. Even so, you couldn’t help but feel relieved that Zanaro was here too. If you had to be stuck in an unfamiliar situation, you’d at least like to be stuck with the one person you knew wasn’t likely to fuck up too much.

You were tempted to throw yourself at him. He’d certainly catch you, probably giving you one of his annoying hugs that always warmed you up with a strange emotion you weren’t familiar with. But that would be too red or too pale for you. And you swore off those quadrants a long time ago when  **_HE_ ** did those things to you.

Zanaro stopped when he was in front of you. You studied each other. Something in his smirk was off. And his eyes...something was off there too. He kept his hands firmly in his pockets, and you kept yours behind your back. You always felt puny next to him. He was ginormous. An odd, freak mutation that allowed him to grow to such a size. The same mutation that gave him weak chucklevoodoo powers. But you couldn’t talk. You were a mutant yourself. A far more obvious one.

“I was wondering when you’d arrive,” Zanaro said finally, ducking his head a little. His horns were massive too. His height stopped him from hitting anyone in the head though. That was fortunate. “It’s weird you didn’t show up when I did.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“You can’t remember anything?”

You shook your head, realizing this for the first time.

Zanaro sighed. “C’mon. Maybe a walk will help jog ssssome things.”

You made no reply, but smiled a little; internally, at the brief slip in his words. Zanaro’s lusus had been a massive snake; the kind that was venomous as well as capable of constricting its prey. He’d always affectionately referred to him as “Snake Dad”, something you’d never understood. Occasionally, Zanaro would slip up in his speech, and start emphasizing his s’s again. It was part of his typing quirk, one of the few things he actually did when writing.

You walked alongside him, easily keeping pace. Almost at once, the scenery began to change, taking you to Mentor's old hive in the woods. A brief memory flash appeared to you.

“I was speaking to Mentor...and she told me that we were having a...Scratch. Because we couldn’t win.”

“Mhm,” Zanaro nodded, not looking at you. You kept walking.

“I remember...a lot of anger...so much anger. And...then death. I...I think I killed her?”

Zanaro nodded. “Yup.”

There was a pause before you spoke again. “And the anger was still there...I found Vivien and Melami...and…”

You didn’t need to finish your sentence. It wasn’t the actions that startled you. You’d killed, maimed--done everything that could be done in order to bring justice to people. You were not at all squeamish. Not at all disgusted by what you had to do. But you were sensing a line had been crossed.

“And Nahhla’s matesprit...and Juniper...Sandra…”

True horror washed over you. “Nahhla…”

Zanaro stopped, studying you. You’d traveled to a forest...your forest. Your planet. It was all so achingly familiar.

“Zan...what else did I do?”

Zanaro reached up to scratch behind his head; fingers threading in his hair. “You went into a rampage. True, genuine bloodrage, I’d say. Mixed with your own Rages. You killed everyone. You seemed unstoppable. I decided after Nahhla tried to pacify you with no luck...it was time for me to stop the madness. After all, if I was Scratched, it wouldn’t affect anything. I wasn’t supposed to be there, y’know?

“So I went up against you. And like always, we were evenly matched, couldn’t beat each other. Even though you’d god tiered, I could easily match your power. I found Mentor when I showed up here. She told me everything. Said that we literally ripped each other apart before the Scratch came. And I tried looking for you, but you weren’t there. You weren’t in the dream bubbles like the rest of us. So I thought you’d been Scratched, which would’ve been a colossal mistake for me.

“But then you showed up. And now we’re here.”

The full force of what you’d done hit you like a sack full of rocks. You’d killed innocents. Something you’d sworn not to do. You could now remember why you’d done it. You were the best player, you’d known this since the start of the game. You’d god tiered first. Maybe the only one who’d god tiered. You were the strongest, the fastest. The one determined to win. And they just made this decision to Scratch before letting you win. You couldn’t believe it.

But...at the same time...they hadn’t deserved what you’d done to them. You were certainly a queen who deserved respect, but you didn’t need to kill them. That wasn’t the justicebringer way.

You sank to your knees, staring hard at the ground. You found you were wearing your blood splattered god tier outfit. It was shredded, different hues mixing together to show that, yes, you’d killed everyone. Much of the blood that coated it now was yours and Zanaro’s. You looked up at Zanaro’s to find his eyes were white. It startled you, but upon closer inspection, it was just that the colored part of his eyes had been clouded over. You suspected yours were identical.

You buried your eyes in your hands, feeling tears begin to leak out for the first time in many sweeps. You sensed Zanaro kneel down next to you, folding his legs underneath him.

You dared to look up, and threw yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck to cling on to him. Zanaro said nothing, merely scooped you up into his lap and held onto you. He let you cry into his own ripped, bloodstained shirt. You’d buried your face into his shoulder, and he into yours.

“I’m so sorry, Zanaro.” you sobbed, shaking.

It took you a few minutes before you realized he was crying too. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I should’ve stopped you a long time ago.”

You both sat there for awhile longer before you looked up at the sky, still crying.

“Gods,” you said out loud.

_ “What have I done?” _

**Author's Note:**

> Side note: I had to make up one of the dancestors names', because another person has yet to create a dancestor, so that's why there's a Juniper in there. Nahhla's matesprit also isn't named yet because that person (looking right at you, V) has yet to name her, so we're just referring to her as that.


End file.
